From velvet gloves to a gentlemanly tone: the right way to deal with colleagues is more than just tonality

You can choose your friends – but not your work colleagues. Jürgen Rixgens is one of the most booked rhetoric professionals in the world. In this three-part series from a conversation in Hallbergmoos, he gives tips for more coherent communication. In this second part, he explains how to deal with different types of colleagues.

Mr. Rixgens, we often have to deal with people who are unpunctual and have a tight schedule at work. What is your advice?

Jürgen Rixgens: You describe a type that I like to call a creative slob. Basically, the creative chaotic person is very likeable. He has good empathy, is open and communicative. However, working with people of this type can be difficult. They quickly become bored with mundane tasks, such as writing a report, and as they are difficult to say no to, chaotic people are often scheduled. This behavior, coupled with unpunctuality, often leads to poor work results – at least in the eyes of others. When dealing with the chaotic person, people should hold back their own opinion and not try to change their colleague. Instead, it is better to formulate criticism constructively and praise the creative chaotic person for positive behavior. This motivates them and strengthens their willingness to communicate.

What about the know-it-all colleagues?

Jürgen Rixgens: I also call know-it-all and stubborn colleagues the right-wingers. Affected employees contribute to the know-it-all appearance with certain behavioral patterns by flattering or agreeing with the know-it-all. However, the opposite behavior is also not advisable, because contradiction and opposition only drive the stubborn person to want to prove himself even more. In this case, it is better to let go of emotions, try to think rationally and frame criticism in the form of questions. This creates a more pleasant working atmosphere and better results.

What should be done if a colleague’s flow of information cannot be stopped?

Jürgen Rixgens: The frequent speaker knows his stuff and is technically competent and committed. Unfortunately, however, he does not manage to adapt his flow of information to the person he is talking to. The best thing to do is to interrupt such colleagues in a friendly manner and agree in part during long monologues in order to lead the conversation in a common direction. Feigning interest or passive listening leads nowhere. As a result, the frequent speaker does not feel sufficiently understood and explains everything in even more detail. If the conversation simply does not want to end, it should be ended respectfully but firmly.

What is the best way for an employee to deal with a pessimist?

Jürgen Rixgens: The pessimist’s motto in life is Murphy’s Law. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Watch out! With their negative nature, naysayers are often contagious, rob confidence, bring people down and poison the mood. Under no circumstances should employees take the naysayer’s comments personally or allow themselves to be taken in out of politeness. The following applies: if you recognize the difference between grumbling and genuine criticism and see the pessimist as a professional doubter, you can use your colleague’s idiosyncrasies as a valuable corrective for the team.

How do I deal with a colleague who is being overambitious?

Jürgen Rixgens: You are talking about the schemer. You have to be extremely careful when dealing with him: His ambition leads him to spread gossip and lies and embarrass colleagues with devious power games. Instead of ignoring the intrigue, or worse, discussing the truth with the intriguer, those affected should request a clarification meeting. In this conversation, they should discuss their own perception of the situation, the effect of the behavior and their wishes for future rules of the game.

Thank you very much!

Images © Unsplash and Carolin Hirschfeld